Now that we're so close to travel, many are asking us, "How do you feel?" "Are you excited!?"
It's hard to describe how I feel at this moment.
I'm excited, of course, and very much looking forward to meeting our new daughter.
It also feels surreal...is this really happening now; we're really about to have another daughter soon?
To be completely honest, I feel nervous and scared as well.
-How will the girls do during travel, especially during such a long flight?
-How will we be received by our new daughter; will she have a difficult time adjusting?
-How will the older girls react to this new member who is not a baby they can hold nor a friend they can easily communicate with?
There are many questions going through my mind. One thing I know for sure: we are about to cross the line that separates the world of known from the world of unknown. I think that's what I'm scared of the most.
I love the known world. I love knowing what to expect. I love staying in my comfort zone.
I realized the other day that this has been the longest time that our family dynamic has stayed the same. Allan and I were dating, engaged, and married without a child for a total of 2.5 years. After Peanut came, we were a family of three for exactly 2 years. Now LittleBit is 3.5 years old, which means we have been a family of four for 3.5 years. We're so used to living life with the four of us. It's comfortable, familiar, and convenient.
Yesterday Allan pulled down a highchair from the attic. It kind of gave me a mini-panic. Oh my. We're entering that world. I've gotten so used to the girls eating with us at the table. We can communicate with them in English. They can even climb into our minivan and buckle themselves in. They go to the bathroom on their own. All of that is about to change - yikes!
In addition, it's different from the kind of change we experienced when we welcomed a new baby. We really have no idea how Siana will react to being tossed into our family. Eventually she'll come to love and trust us, I'm sure, but at the beginning...there must be so many questions and fears that will be running through her mind.
So yes, I've had some mixed emotions and thoughts during the last few weeks. Then I attended what would be our last service in a while at our church. It was the sweetest, timeliest message that I needed to hear. It was titled "Our Savior is Greater," and in a nutshell, it was about how Jesus is greater than all our worries and all that we could ever want/need. Everything pales in comparison to the joy of knowing and following Him. Yes, we may face some tough times during our travels and our transition period. But my God is the One who calms the storms. My God promises that when I pray, He will grant me peace that surpasses all understanding. I've seen Him do this in the lives of so many who call on His name, including mine.
God, Your purpose for me is greater than the safe, convenient, comfortable life I want for myself. You have called us to bring our girl home, I have no doubt about that. And I know You will travel with us, every step of the way.
It's truly an honor. I'm humbled that He would choose me. He chose me long ago to enjoy an eternal, divine romance with Him, and my life has never been the same. He chose me to be a helpmate to the most amazing guy I know. He chose me for a high, challenging calling of raising a girl whose life is meant to stand out, who is destined to change the world. He chose to bless me with another girl who is a ray of sunshine to anyone who comes into contact with her.
Now He has chosen me...to go and rescue a little girl in China, who doesn't know what the love of a father and a mother is like...yet. He chose me...to welcome her into our family the same way He welcomed me into His. I am completely humbled and honored. Our Savior is Greater. His Grace is Greater. His Love is Greater. He is simply Greater.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
With such a Savior by my side, I am ready. Lord, let's bring her home, where she will also come to know...our God is Greater.
God is Gracious,